An apology letter to my “CHI”

I have realized that the journey to self-discovery and self-enlightenment are slippery slopes; today you are on a 100, all "in-yourself" and content, radiating love and peace, and the next minute you come in close contact with your toxic triggers and you are back on a -0.5. The insightful thing is that you would feel yourself sliding down the scale of self-love but you would foolishly console yourself by saying "no I am in charge, I would Just do this for a while and stop, I am sure it won't affect my already 1-year journey to finding myself".
Self-discovery is a constant and a very conscious journey that one must be fully aware, because one slight "tear", not properly checked, can become a whole wound.

I was leaking bits and bits of the love I had for myself and I wasn't aware it was that wrong until I was filled with hatred for myself. My "chi" became silent; I couldn't hear her and I felt empty, it was like I was moving through life like a corpse. I appeared happy but I was slowly silencing her voice with my actions, because how can she flourish in a body that had slowly contaminated her space to the point of hating the space we share?

So this letter is an apology to myself and my chi, I am so sorry: For defiling our space knowing how hard we worked to get here.
We fought so hard to build this beautiful boundary, only for me to selfishly soil our space — please, Forgive me. from now on, I permit you to speak loudly. I can't lose you, I won't lose you, you make me shine so brightly from the inside.

I am so sorry, I welcome you back into this body, take charge!