I am breaking out in bits…. and I kinda love it .
……………
How is it that the most exciting moments in your life are the moments that bring the most fear? while the Normal, "too easy a life that you might just choke on it" moment comes with less- uncertainty and utter disgust for life.
Scientists say for a person to be successful ,or even find her purpose she must choose the former.
If only we were told, that choosing the former came with a shit load of a cross to bear; the fact that you decided to choose the former alone has sentenced you to a long time of sometimes excruciating loneliness and having to live in your head for the most part your life; and sure for the most part of it, living in your head( your space, your zone) is fun and exciting.
Nothing beats the feeling of confidently choosing to live in your head.
I mean, you get the privilege to see something no one else can see, even your best friend and your so-called "people" can only do so much on this path with you before they get lost in translation and become a total enigma to them.
You are the only one blessed and cursed with your idea, only you can put a name to it the rest of the world is just a mere spectators in your show... They can say "ahhh she is about this or she is about that", but only your words matter.
How can they name something they don’t understand?
If someone else had described this whole finding your purpose thing to me I would have eaten it up like a golden salmon because, I mean, most "quote" never highlights the sometimes excruciating pain of loneliness, or if they do they add that air of simplicity to it to give it the "just swallow this pill of purpose, it would hurt for a while but in a minute or two, all your problems would be gone before you even realize it" effect.
Like fuck! how can you see something so clearly, yet still fear, and have to leave minimal room for it’s not happening ?
What kind of a shitty bargain is that? ,
I ask again, how is it that the most exciting moments in your life bring the most fear and uncertainty?
Maybe I should just choose normal; I won’t be happy, free, or alive, but at least I get to win a medal or so in the art of people-pleasing for the rest of my life, that should count for something, and who knows maybe even predict my sweet little unmemorable death...
But No! this body wants more! this girl wants more, this girl needs more to live, this girl needs more to hope...
This girl is choosing to walk the uncertain waters of life for more.....and in my book of Daniel stuck in a lion’s den that takes utter courage I would love to meet this girl.
who is she? obviously that is ME! *roll eyes in superiority complex*
If all these were not happening to me or I read this from some wannabe writer on Ig, I did call her bluff... a long time ago.
